Inappropriate Responses to a Joke at Your Expense (The Anger Post)

Hey All!

Last week, I dropped off my car at the shop for an engine check up. My father was kind enough to give me a ride back home. During our time discussing things, he gave me the inspiration to write this post.

It is interesting to me how people respond to things. In my opinion, while our actions are almost directly a result of some cause, often those responses are rarely logical. At the very least, they aren't measured in their responses. Take for instance the woman who tried to kill the mother of her daughter's cheerleading rival. In a world in which sanity exists this is not how a chain of events should run.

1. I want my child to make the cheerleading team.

2. I will help her because I am my mother and I love her.

3. I will do this by killing her rival's mother, thereby making her too depressed to try out for the team.

In my mind there's a gap between step 2 and step 3 that I just don't get. Now this may seem like an over exagguration of the point, but the theory remains the same. Human beings tend to react badly to imagined slights. Really badly. Whether its responding angrily to a joke or the belief that your daughter deserves the last slot on the team, human beings have a habit of poor reactions.

Now I'm not a psychologist, in fact I'm pretty poor at understanding human actions in general. Because of this, I often work hard to understand what to expect from peoples' reactions. After 24 years on this earth, while I may not have decoded humanity entirely I have come up with some ideas about what people do. People tend to respond in certain ways, some get violent, some stay silent, some wait, and some go crazy. Each person and each situation tends to create its own response. In order to better understand and perhaps prevent these overreactions, I've narrowed them down to 4 basic types (arranged in order of outlandishness) as well as examples of this behavior, literary equivalents, and suggested methods of treatment:

1.) The Slow Burn

While not the most visible overreaction, the slow burner is often the most dangerous. Mainly because one doesn't see it coming. The slow burner is an expert in swallowing their pride, laughing along, and then delicately planning revenge later; often a revenge that is grossly out of proportion to the aforementioned slight. The slow burn is perhaps the smartest of the overreactors. They bide their time, carefully plotting brutal revenge.

For example, you are chilling out at a party with some friends and the slow burner. Someone is talking about haircuts and you casually as a joke mention how the slow burners last haircut reminded you of your lawn.

Admittedly, this might be a bit mean, but its just a kind hearted joke. After all, look, the slow burner laughed along too.

Cut to 3 weeks later.

You're eating lunch at the slow burner's house. Sitting down at the kitchen table, you kindly indulge in a sandwich prepared by your host. Things are going nicely, until your throat swells up. 

"Oh no! I forgot that you were allergic to cats! Maybe I shouldn't have given Fluffy a haircut right before lunch."

I am the agent of your demise

You can't prove it, but you know. You just got hit by the slow burner.

Literary Equivalent: Edmond Dantes - The Count of Monte Cristo - a man who after 20 years got revenge on his oppressors in the most elaborate, over the top method possible - by posing as a wealthy count and and piece by piece unraveling the lives of his tormentors.


Suggested Method of Treatment: A heartfelt apology along with some sort of protection such as a dog or gun.



2.) The Pout and Venom

By comparison to the Slow Burn, the Pout and Venom is somewhat preferable. Whereas the Slow Burn will get revenge later, the Pout and Venom is all about making you know that he or she is unhappy and there is nothing you can do about it. Say you made the haircut joke again. Instead of laughing it off, our next subject gets silent and frowns. When you ask whats wrong, you get the most terrifying phrase in the human language (at least to men):

"Nothing, I'm fine."



Other terrifying phrases include "Commitment" and "Prostate Exam"

Gentlemen (and to a lesser extent, ladies) if you hear these words THINGS ARE NOT FINE. This cannot be stressed enough. Things are not fine and whats worse is no matter what you do, you cannot change them. Apologies help, but the only real factor that ends a Pout and Venom reaction is time.

Also worthy of note is the venom associated with this method of overreaction. In addition to the statement of I'm fine, expect heavy doses of brutally mean, yet seemingly benign comments during the time of the overreaction. Below are a list of examples:

"I guess you have to dress like that to get attention."
"No, I don't expect you to get it, you're not really a people person."
"This party really shows you that you don't need to be classy to have a good time."
"I hate you. Just kidding!"

The P & V reaction may not be outwardly violent, but beware just the same.

Literary Character: Nurse Ratched - who uses her power with words and demeanor to passively aggressively wreak havok against those in her path.

Suggested Method of Treatment: A heartfelt apology and time

3.) The Violence

Perhaps the most "understandable" of the overreactions, the violent offender responds to slights with well, violence. Let's use the continued analogy involving the haircut joke. This person responds with unadulterated violence. For instance:

"Hey, that haircut is... unusual."
(Looks at you. Punches you)

Above: The appropriate level of response

Violence is not a male specific reponse either (Slapping anyone?). Of the incidents I can remember of violent overreaction, at least half of them come from the fairer sex, most particularly from an exgirlfirend of an old college friend. When it comes to guys however, this is often the overreaction of choice though (although not always). I have to admit, violence is actually the most predictable of the bunch. You may forget when someone gets silent or venomous, but if someone punches you, you remember it. In fact, the violent overreaction is in many ways the "most logical" reaction as well. When someone shoots you at least you know where you stand.

"The joke wasn't funny Henderson"



Literary Character: Dr. Bruce Banner/The Incredible Hulk - You wouldn't like him when he's angry

 

Suggested Method of Treatment: Ice (heartfelt apology often not needed, violence is very much a score settling overreaction)

4.) The Meltdown

Lastly, there is no more recognizable and scary overreaction than the meltdown. Not just a combination of the previous three types, the Meltdown is in a class of its own. Behaviors involved in a meltdown include anger, wrath, venom, violence, crying, wailing, silence, catatonic states, outlandish statements, and even death (ok, not death). Basically, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

The best way to describe a meltdown is by looking at the movie Dante's Peak.

Yup, terrible.

Dante's Peak is about the eruption of a volcano. Much like Dante's Peak, a meltdown has "warning signs" that we all should listen to, but don't. Maybe we don't see that the person is already on edge or had a bad day. Maybe they are acting strangely. Either way, before things go crazy, you have usually missed a few key signs. In addition, much like Dante's Peak, the results are bad. Maybe a few heroes can make it out, but this is a disaster movie, people are going to get hurt. Lastly, much like Dante's Peak storyline, a meltdown makes no logical sense. Rhyme, reason, or logic have no effect on making sense of what is happening; its just two hours of confusion and pain.

Literary Character: Any celebrity on tape - Be it Mel Gibson, Christian Bale, Alec Baldwin, Kanye West, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan; we've seen them all go crazy. Also, I'm counting them as literary characters because yes, I think celebrities are really really fake.

Suggested Method of Treatment: A REALLY heartfelt apology and then RUN.

Two quick notes:

This post is not a judgement upon those who overreact. We all do it, and to those of you who say you don't - you're a filthy liar. I'm personally a Pout and Venom guy -but I'm working to change that. Hopefully, by exploring these overreactions, I can overcome or avoid them.

Some of you have seen me meltdown before as well...

REALLY TOMMY, A CROQUET MALLET AND A GLASS BOTTLE... BY THE POOL!!!!

Secondly, as some of you have heard Dani and I have been together for 4 blissful years as of this December. I find her to be the exception that proves the rule, never overreacting once despite all the stress I throw at her.

I love you sweetie, now put down the knife...

What do you think? Are you an overreactor? Am I wrong in my analysis?